Christians in the modern world are constantly faced with challenges to their piety and holiness. If it's not one thing it's another. Temptations such as cotton/polyester blends, women's unholy private parts, popular hair styles, tasty shellfish dishes, claims that children should not be beaten, and arguments in favor of equal rights for gay people are constantly challenging people of faith. But one of the most terrible dangers to your holiness comes in the form of certain tasty, salty meat treats. God Hates Pork!
Supermarket Dangers
When a True Christian™ enters a supermarket Satan is there waiting, trying to trick you into buying pork and pork products. The devil wants you to buy bacon, he wants you to munch on pork rinds, he hopes you'll eat pork chops. Some so-called Christians even eat Ham on Easter Sunday!
Levitical Legislation
Christians living in the US have made great progress in recent years in their efforts to align our laws with the Book of Leviticus, especially with anti-homo laws, but we must do more if we are to remain the Official Nation of Jesus H. Christ. We need to outlaw the sale of pork and products derived from pork! Help to defend the Sanctity of Foodstuffs by donating to the God Hates Pork foundation or by picketing outside any supermarket that offends our Lord and Savior by offering bacon or bacon flavored foods.
What You Can Do
Here are some things that any True Christian™ can do to prevent an angry reaction from God if too many people are eating pork rinds:
- Picket stores that sell pork
- Collect signatures for Proposition No-SPAM
- Donate to the Anti Pork Foundation
- Vote against civil rights for people that eat pork
- Get your church to burn DVDs with Porky Pig cartoons
- Get your city or town government to ban pork sales
- Tell your friends and neighbors about the dangers of eating pork
If a politician eats pork be sure you campaign against him! We don't want God to pass judgment on his official nation because of bacon eating heathens.
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